I had been down over the last few days, apart from the terribly unlivable weather that we have here, there seems to be so much wild silly thoughts that have been poking me at the wrong places.
For some reasons, I have been overly worried over many things in life that may not turn out well as I would wish them to happen. They just don’t feel right and that bothers me deeply.
I might think that I have given my all, but god knows, I am restlessly concerned that no matter how noble my intent has been, the manner they have been rendered could be all wrong and grossly insufficient. Deep inside, I have this feeling whether all the sacrifices that I had thrown my self into will one day pay.
All these have been screwing my brain out of tranquility lately. Or could it be due to the abrupt change of my life, from a lively life surrounded by kids and family to a sudden life of a pathetic loner heating packed-sambal with egg for dinner – that make me this disturbed..mmm. I don’t know, may be, whatever the reason is I hope this awful guilt-feeling will go away as my weeks go. Or when most of my colleagues come back from xmas!
I am glad, as God has destined, being alone accords me time to explore the inner part of me and muhasabah. The very act of it just makes me ponder steadfastly of my being in this world and the journey that He has fated me to live through thus far.
My live has not always been a walk in the park, nevertheless God has graciously granted me the will to move on. I pray to God pleading an abundance of barakah over my dear missus and all my lovely children, Ash, Nad, Nurul, Iman, Princess and Junior, love you all so much!